“We have a room to spare as it happens Mr Sloane … just your style, I should hazard … elegant simplicity.” *
For all but the bald, J.S. Sloane hair products will make the perfect gift for Valentine’s Day, or indeed any occasion on which the benevolent one wishes to be seen as generous, thoughtful, informed, chic and stylish, and the grateful recipient wishes to be completely delighted.
The J.S. Sloane range is the beautiful brainchild of Ruggedly Handsome Male of great musical renown Smutty Smiff and Glamourous Great Beauty Joann Kuno.
Sharing a passion for the perfect grooming and classic style associated with the golden age of Hollywood, Joann and Smutty wanted to restore to the modern world the concept that ‘being well-groomed was a prerequisite to social interaction’ and remind people of the sensual, stylish joys of ‘grooming-as-ritual’.
So they put their perfectly coiffed heads together and designed a brilliantine for the modern age. A brilliantine that promises to combine unbeatable hold with softness of touch; that’s easy to apply and adaptable to suit different ways of styling; that washes out with water and doesn’t leave a slick of oil behind it. That’s a pretty impressive spec. Smutty was kind enough to send me a tin of J.S. Sloane Heavyweight Brilliantine, so that I could see for myself if J.S. Sloane could truly make good on such claims.
Smutty (pictured to the right) is a stand-up bass player, and founding member of Levi and the Rockcats, Havalinas, and 13 Cats. He’s currently working on new bands, The 302 and The 59s. His musical talent and history are such that every musician I know would have been interested in giving his brilliantine a go. And since Smutty’s been feted and photographed by luminaries like Andy Warhol, Robert Mapplethorpe, Steven Meisel and Bruce Weber, I suspected that the fashion people I know would have a keen interest too. So with this in mind, I went through my mental Roladex and discarded every musician, artist, model, ted, greaser, rocker and punk I know. I wanted my testing to be as rigorous and impartial as possible, and the product to speak for itself.
First impressions were wonderful. I love the down-played, vintage feel of the packaging (amber glass jar and tin lid with cigar band labelling) and was interested to see just how much approving interest there was when I flashed the tin around my friends and aquaintances. Many people expressed surprise that it was a modern range, as the packaging suggests that J.S. Sloane has been gracing gentlemen’s dresser tops for many decades. On revealing the contents, there were many ‘ohs’ and ‘oohs’ – even from those who had looked hesitant at the first mention of brilliantine. The colour and texture of the pomade is beautiful – surprising and inviting, a soft, rich rose with a fresh fruit scent that all the ladies loved and even the most macho of male testers admitted to liking.
You can see a Rogue’s Gallery of before-and-afters by clicking on the pictures below. Please note, no Ruggedly Handsome Males were harmed in the making.
My first two testers were both short-haired gentlemen. Blissfully Dishevelled John had this to say: “It’s malleable and easy to use and not too greasy – I left it on my hands to see. I like the smell and the colour is lovely, that rich pink. It darkens the hair so you look less grey, and it looks nice and soft and shiny.” However, on BDJ’s hair, the brilliantine intensifies the curl, which I think looks fab – very Sweet Gene Vincent – but Blissfully Dishevelled John prefers to minimise his natural curl. He did report to me that J.S. Sloane Heavyweight Brilliantine washes out extremely easily, which surprised him, given the nature of the product. Having read the press pack, I knew that it washes out with nothing more than water, but consummate professional that I am, had said nothing about this to my testers, lest I influence their responses.
My second short-haired tester, the Ruggedly Handsome Male known to some as 50 Shades Of Matt, is less adventurous with product than Blissfully Dishevelled John, and expressed some initial trepidation when asked to test: “It looks like a candle,” he said, “I’m going to end up smelling of strawberries.” Use just a little, advised Blissfully Dishevelled John – wisely, as it turned out. J.S. Sloane Heavyweight Brilliantine added a beautiful gloss to 50 Shades’ short crop, and he couldn’t keep his fingers out of the tin. “It goes on very nicely,” he explained, when asked why he was diving back in for a third application. “It feels lovely, not sticky like gel, it feels smooth …”
Encouraged by such favourable reactions from my first two testers, I needed to find more men to try this out on, and ones with longer hair. Fortunately for me, I live near to E. Pellici, the world’s best cafe. They know a lot about style at Pellici’s and there are always handsome men there – behind the counter and at the tables. The third tester in my Rogues’ Gallery is John Daly – and I thank him for showing us all how well J.S. Sloane heavyweight brilliantine works for a younger man with a modern cut.But I think Ruggedly Handsome Male Nev Pellicci best exemplifies what a lovely product J.S. Sloane’s Heavyweight Brilliantine is. Before trying it, Nev and I had wondered if anything could improve upon Nev’s natural good looks. But regard! One modest application of J.S. Sloane to Nev’s hair, and he gains gravitas, sex appeal and a certain je ne sais quoi. He reminds me of a young Stewart Granger in this picture, and I have no higher praise.
Have I used it myself? Of course I have. With just one swipe of J.S. Sloane Heavyweight Brilliantine, I was able to transform my in-between-cuts, tied-at-the-nape-of-the-neck, long ponytail into something far smoother, sharper, darker and directional. A strong parting and a side-swept fringe is always flattering, I think. Unfortunately, I was so delighted with the effect, that I became mesmorised by my reflection in mirrors and darkened window-panes and completely failed to remember to take any pictures.
To purchase J.S.Sloane Brilliantine, shampoos, or high-gloss top-coat for yourself, the one you love, or the one you hope will love you, you can click here to buy online, or here to find a list of international stockists. If your favourite purveyor of top-quality grooming products don’t carry the J.S. Sloane line yet, ask them why not. Offering perfect products at a reasonable price, J.S. Sloane lends class and style to your hair and to your dresser top, and is my heart-felt recommendation to you this Valentine’s Day.
Cath was determined to get Mr Sloane into her home, offering him her room of ‘elegant simplicity’: I am equally set on getting the elegant simplicity of J.S. Sloane into my home … Meanwhile, I’m enjoying Beryl Reid as Kath in this clip from Douglas Hickox’ 1970 film of the Joe Orton play. You can enjoy it too, by pressing play …
*Kath to Mr Sloane quoted from Douglas Hickox’s 1970 film Entertaining Mr Sloane, based on the 1964 play Entertaining Mr Sloane by Joe Orton.
