What’s Your Name, What’s Your Number?

Do you choose shades based on the name? I do. I doubt I’ll ever be able to match the utter bliss of having once been given a nail varnish called Poontang, but I’m always looking for that hit. So it baffles me why companies don’t name their products and instead rely on numbers.

Kate Moss lipsticks for Rimmel don’t have names. They have non-sequential, hard to remember numbers (which is why I have TWO number 5s, if anyone wants one). I have therefore re-named them in my own head in homage to Kate’s ex-boyfriends but for the purposes of this review I’ll use Kate’s own system.

So, below from left to right: No 1, No 3, No 4, No 5, No 19, No 22 and No 20 (above my watch). Kate Moss for Rimmel swatchesThey’re all quite creamy, gleamy and a tiny bit glimmery. They aren’t disco, but they certainly aren’t matte*. And there’s a good amount of depth in each colour – nothing is more frustrating than a lipstick that looks OK in the bullet but wimps out on the mouth, especially if you have quite a strong natural lip colour.

Kate Moss for Rimmel No 20I’ve been wearing No 20 today, an old-fashioned hot pink. I chose it because it matches my knackered old espadrilles,knackered pink espadrilles and contrasts charmingly with my knackered old face. This shade feels a little bit more drying than the others, but that’s possibly down to me – I feel a touch more self-conscious in it than in my usual reds and nudes, so I have possibly been gnawing away at my lips more than usual.

Why am I recommending these irritatingly numbered lipsticks? Because for the money – the very small amount of money – they are EXTREMELY good. No 5 (the mid-toned pink that reminds me of a dewy begonia) is my favourite shade. I wore it at the school gates at the end of last term and got lots of “You look nice”. It’s subtle, it’s comfortable, it’s flattering and with an RRP of £5.49 it’s super-cheap. When these lipsticks are on 3 for 2 or Buy One get One Free (and they often are, at our household name chemists) it’s almost like Kate is paying you.

But the main reason I love them? The scent. Maybe all Rimmel lipsticks smell like this when they’re fresh and new, or maybe it’s Kate’s signature scent. Who cares. When I wear this lipstick I feel as though I’ve just been kissed by my Granny. And my Granny didn’t hand out kisses for nothing – so they make me feel like I’ve been a very good girl and a credit to the family. Such Proustian joy in one little tube. Pick a number, any number … and enjoy.

And whilst on the subject of names vs. numbers, I’ve been disappointed to see Bourjois playing the numbers game recently. Names are something Bourjois have always done very well, so I do hope they’re not running out of inspiration. I had to buy a black nail polish recently, and as Belle Epoque have told us, and Q-Tip reinforced, ‘Black is black’. So how do you choose between all the different varnish-peddlers? Well, I got the one with the nicest name: Bourjois Noir de Chine no 30Noir de Chine (30, for all you numerologists). Glossy black nails play beautifully with all the lipsticks above, and this polish delivers in shine, depth of colour and ease of use.

Got your lipstick on? Done your nails? You should go dancing! Especially if you’re a straight man. A heterosexual man at ease with disco is a rare and beautiful sight. iBeheld fondly remembers the bass player from World Domination Enterprises dancing to What’s Your Name, What’s Your Number? (and miming the words) as he made his way back from the bar at the DJing debut of the wonderful Pomme et Granite. Whatever happened to Pomme et Granite? I liked them. Never mind. Sadly, I don’t have any video clips of that particular night out, so instead, please enjoy Satin Profile dancing to Andrea True Connection‘s ‘More, More, More’. I’m at 2:01 – twirling around in my lovely coat.


* If you would like to try a Kate for Rimmel lipstick in matte, then you need to go to Rimmel’s facebook page -where you will find five of them to choose from – at the time of writing, only there.